A Letter To My Son

PCHA wishes all dads a Happy Father’s Day! We’re happy to share this letter written by Nolan Chenevert, who celebrates his second year as a dad to his son Barrett “Bear”.

Dear Barrett,

I remember so vividly how excited I was when your mom first told me that I was going to be a dad. I also remember how excitedly terrified I was the first time I held you. You were now something that I had to take care of, care for, and teach (thankfully, Mom is here to help!). I was officially a dad, your dad! My heart was so full and my mind was racing with all of the possibilities that your future held.

After a very moving and exhausting day (especially for mom!), things turned around quickly. You turned blue, were having trouble breathing, and they wanted to transfer you to another hospital. It was like I had just been repeatedly punched in the gut. I ran the three blocks to where they had taken you. I stopped in the hallway outside your room and froze. You were right there, but I couldn’t go in or talk to you, I couldn’t do anything for you. I’ve never felt such an incredible feeling of being so powerless. A team of nurses and doctors had your incubator surrounded and when I was finally able to see you, I noticed all of the tubes, wires, and tape that now covered your body. I just sat there in that hallway, trying to convince myself that this wasn’t real, that you were going to be just fine, that your mom and I were going to be taking you home soon. Your plane had finally arrived and it was time for you to get on it, without me.

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Two major heart surgeries, multiple procedures, and dozens of doctor appointments later, you’re here doing exactly what I imagined you would be doing. Your first day of life gave me such a wide range of emotions that it might seem like the days since would be boring, but every day is its own wild ride. I get significantly less sleep than I ever imagined I would have, but I can’t wait for my first hug in the morning. I shake my head when you get into one thing after another, but I love the smile you get when you’re having so much fun. I get to pick up toy cars and dinosaurs just to get them thrown right back out again, but you are learning to help. All of the trade offs are worth it, because you are here.

Today, I feel the greatest pride when I get to show you off and brag about how great you are doing. Being a parent is a feeling that is unparalleled by anything else I’ve ever experienced.

Throughout my life, I have always looked forward to celebrating Father’s Day with my dad.  We would always get together with your Grandpa and spend the day trying to do things we thought he wanted to do to celebrate him. I have nothing but happy memories of Father’s Day, both as a son and grandson, but now as a dad. Last year was my first Father’s Day with you and I’ve determined that it isn’t just about being celebrated by others for being a dad. It is just another day to celebrate the fact that I get to be your dad.

I couldn’t be prouder to be your dad. I love you!

Dad


12004727_10106681235387660_8976356233192569832_nNolan lives in Duluth, Minnesota with his wife Jess (Volunteer Social Media Coordinator for PCHA), their son Barrett “Bear” and their dog Bailey. Barrett was born with Transposition of the Great Arteries & Coarctation of the Aorta. Nolan is an elementary school teacher currently teaching 4th Grade. Nolan enjoys baseball, golf, playing guitar, kayaking, and spending time with his family.

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