Being Present
It has been incredible hearing from dads all month! Bill Foley, Executive Director of the Children’s Heart Foundation, writes about his experience as a father.
As a dad, my instinct is to be the strong one who fixes everything. However, when my son was born with congenital heart disease (CHD), I realized I was incapable of fixing the one thing I wanted to fix the most, my son’s health. I learned though, that I can still be the strong one for my family, “fixing” the condition we’re in by being present.
When I say present, I don’t just mean physically present. My idea of being present is providing emotional support to my family, attending and asking questions at my son’s therapy and doctor’s appointments, reading all of the latest CHD research, and helping wherever I’m needed. I know my presence doesn’t “fix” everything, but it helps.
Having a medically fragile child doesn’t hurt any less just because I’m a man. When we are in the midst of a CHD fire, I tend to internalize my feelings. But during these challenging times, or when my wife or child is feeling sad or frustrated, being present to lend emotional support helps all of us to get through it.
I try to attend as many of my son’s appointments as possible. I’m not talking about just the critical care appointments in the midst of an emergency. I’m talking about the appointments for routine medical care and services my son requires because of his CHD.
I also try to find out as much information as I can about my son’s CHD. I read the latest research, and I ask questions at appointments. No question is stupid. The only stupid question is one that goes unasked.
Finally, there are support groups for parents of children with CHD. These can be great for making connections with other CHD parents, but I find the best way for me to become involved is by “doing” things. Do you need someone to move something heavy for a CHD event or to make CHD fundraising calls? I’m your man.
My point is that even though you can’t fix your child’s CHD, there are things you can do to support your family. I’m doing the best I can for my family by being present. If that’s what’s needed for me to be the strong one, than they can count on me to be present.
For more information about parenting a child with a CHD, visit the Congenital Heart Public Health Consortium website.
*This post originally appeared on the Congenital Heart Public Health Consortium website.